Review by Jon Donnis
Do you remember A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), when they tried to reboot the Freddy Krueger character and films, but took away everything that make him likeable? Well this is what they have done with The Batman.
First off, the story, Robert Pattinson stars as The Batman, we all know his history so pointless repeating it. A sadistic killer known as The Riddler begins murdering political figures in Gotham City. Detective Batman decides to investigate, and uncover the truth behind the corruption in the city and his own family's involvement.
Robert Pattinson does his best Batman voice, but never quite pulls it off. Zoë Kravitz as Catwoman has lost all of the sex appeal of previous Catwomen, don't get me wrong, she looks great, wears the nice outfits, but she has lost that something extra that Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle Berry, and Anne Hathaway all were able to portray.
Paul Dano plays The Riddler, but gone are the fancy suits and enigmatic personality, and in comes a sadist weirdo in a raincoat. Colin Farrell is The Penguin, but you would never know it was Colin Farrell, nor would you know it was The Penguin if they didn't tell you. He is just another gangster type. No monocle, top hat and umbrella.
There is no real threat to the city or the world, just a man in a suit, beating up muggers, solving a few crappy riddles and that's about it.
The film has no character, it is not a superhero film, you cannot imagine Superman turning up. None of the characters whose names you will be familiar with, have anything about them that is in the least bit interesting. The sad thing is that this film will make a fortune, purely by trading off the good will of the Batman franchise, the name, the history. And thinking back to A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), that film was the highest grossing film in that franchise's history. Yet no one thinks back fondly of it and there is no demand for another film in that new reboot's timeline.
The Batman is a dull film, in appearance and story, it might as well be in black and white for the lack of colour going on. There is a popular internet meme that compares the different Batman iterations over the years, with the joke being that each film got darker, until all you got was a black screen. I wonder if a black screen would have had more life in it than this.
Oh, and I forgot to mention, the film is 3 hours long. You get the impression that the Director just thought "screw it, nothing is going on the cutting room floor, include everything"
The Good
If you are struggling with insomnia, this film might help you drop off.
The Bad
They took a great franchise, with an incredible history, cast the worse possible, lifeless actor to play the lead, and churned out a 3 hour snore fest.
Overall
I am sure there will be comic book nerds with their neckbeards saying how accurate this film is compared to the comics, or some nonsense like that, but for your average viewer who wants an escape from reality, I imagine many people will hate it.
I score The Batman a very poor 3/10
In cinemas now!
